Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Romance: Is it necessary?

Note: No, I didn't blog yesterday! What's happening to me? Actually, if you read the fine print on the entry where I talked about not-on-Fridays, I also included holidays (unless the occasion especially moved me). So I'm a slacker. Happy Tuesday!

TIME tells us this week that romance is essential to human existence. "Why we need love to survive" is the sub-head.

I found a lot of what they had to say intriguing, but it felt like I was a Martian investigating the rituals of some completely alien species. Which isn't to say I don't have some history with the subject, just no recent interactions of the romantic variety. I have some great male companionship now and then, this is true, but no ongoing relationship.

So I'm writing today to ask, Am I weird that I don't feel anything lacking? TIME's piece seemed predicated on the idea that we *need* it, not that we choose it or emphasize it. Am I so distanced from the experience that I don't even miss it anymore? Or am I genuinely complete without it?

I have well-meaning friends who tell me that when the time is right, I'll find someone. I read articles that tell me how to be more attractive or how to loosen up. I watch movies that imply "guy gets girl" is the only valid happy ending. But what if I'm done, now? What if the time is right, now, and this is what I am? What if I'm as amazing as I am, and the real answer is to be me, alone?

Huh. I can face that possibility with courage, because interestingly enough, my life is great. This may just be it, and that wouldn't be bad news.

So I guess my point is, with it or without it, life can and should be great. If we're complete ideas of the one Mind, it's possible to break with human convention and have all that we need right now. "All you need is love," as John Lennon says, but that love is Love. And if you have that, you're done.

Your ideas and inspiration are welcome! Please comment below or Contact Laura.
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At 1/22/2008 10:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laura,

Be careful not to shut the door to a future relationship because you feel like you are "done" now that you realize Love is all we need, and that you have it right now. This sense of satisfaction may be just the thing some lonely, but fine man will need in his life at some point -- and you would be a great blessing in his life. God governs our relationships. Yes, our one true relationship is with Him, but it is manifested in our human life in whatever way blesses us most. So, don't close your mind or your love (which you express in abundance), and be willing to share your life with another, if that would bless each of you. Just because today you are doing well without a male companion, doesn't mean that you will never have a romantic relationship again. Hand it over to God who 'setteth the solitary in families.'


At 1/22/2008 11:24:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Vicki...Divine Love expresses Herself through our human relationships.

However, this reminds me of two Bible verses in Isaiah:

"For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called."

"Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.

For thus saith the LORD unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant;

Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off."

God is Love...He is all the love we really need. I am trying to see God as my Husband on a daily basis. And I am realizing that one day I will come to a point in my experience where I will be complete and Soul will rejoice in its own, where human passion has no part. Your blog reminds me, once again, that I am already complete...with or without a man in my life :)

At 1/22/2008 03:15:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just wanted to express my gratitude for your blog (even if Fridays and holidays are out :P). Your posts are often so timely for me. Today's post is no exception; yesterday I was having a lonely day and was even having difficulty focusing on God is Love, my ultimate comforter. But this post, and the CSO meeting last night (intimate size of 2 attending members, including myself) revived my thoughts and gratitude, and reminded me that Love is much more than romance or physical presence. thank you!

At 1/23/2008 08:11:00 AM, Blogger Laura Matthews said...

Just one more thing I'd like to add, and that is I do resist the assumption that being part of a couple is by definition better than not being part of a couple.

I understand the great benefits and gratitude that happily coupled people feel, and how they want everyone else to be equally blessed. And I thank them for their well meaning hopes for me.

However, being single is just as valid in my book, and I don't think one should assume that because someone is single, they're somehow not finished and they still should yearn for and work toward couple-dom.

There are plenty of single people out here -- are we unintentionally thinking of them all as incomplete?

At 1/24/2008 02:33:00 AM, Blogger Magdiel Martinez said...


I agree with you. I went to a Chrisitan liberal arts university. There was a phrase coined there: "Ring by Spring, or your money back." I think more than half of my friends there are either engaged or married.

I remember a particular friend who stressed the importance of being married to a Christian guy or girl. I don't think she could ever picture a life in singlehood. This person was so unhappy because they were single and frustrated with not having the "special someone" in their life yet.

I tried my best to let my friend now that she was already complete. She did not need another person to make her feel loved. She is already loved and has all the affection she needs.

I am surprised by alot of Christians. Some actually "worship" what they call traditional marriage and family, and some actually teach that this is God's will for everyone. The Bible clearly teaches that marriage is limited to this temporal, human experience and that one day "we will be like the angels of heaven" not needing marriage.

Singlehood should never be looked down upon. It should be considered a gift to those who have it. And we should encourage single people to find fullfilment in their identity at God's children :)

At 2/15/2008 11:21:00 PM, Blogger Heidi said...

Wholeness. Honestly, much of what you said can be seen in similar sentiments echoed over at asexuality.org - but we're asexual and getting lectured by everyone else on "meeting that special someone" later in life - why wait until later when we're already wonderful as we are? By ourselves. With our friends. Without the expectation of someone else to complete us. =)


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