Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Me? You mean me?

The journey lately has taken a surprising turn down a highway that is bringing me unexpected vistas. You know, the scenic route. I feel like I've been given permission to do something I've never dared before.

It crystallized for me when I was studying about Jesus in Atonement and Eucharist a few weeks ago, and it was a big enough idea that I couldn't write about it right away. So now here it is.

Jesus had this life of service, success, crucifixion, death, resurrection, and ascension. As I read about his trajectory in living God's will for him, for the first time I felt connected to every part of his career (in my own small way). In my life, I've served with an incredible team, experienced some success at getting the message out, then lost all that we'd achieved in a symbolic "crucifixion." I felt keenly the death of something I loved that we had worked hard to build, but then was gifted with an uplifting sense of resurrection (remarkably, the actual events happened a few years back on the days leading up to Easter). I learned that the true elements of all that we'd done remain intact and are continuing forward, and I've seen that abundantly since.

In reviewing this trajectory lately, it seemed the only part left to experience was the ascension. What did that mean to me today?

I've always thought of ascension as something that happens in the afterlife—we can't expect glory and grace here. This life here, I thought, is always flawed and meant to be a struggle. Now I'm thinking that perhaps this is old theology.

When taking this to the Divine as one big question mark, what came to me is this startling idea that I've been working with ever since. I felt the message come somewhat in this form:

Laura, you've spent your entire spiritual career finding out about Me. You've done a good job, you've served Me and gotten to know Me. You've built a strong foundation of understanding. Now it's time to find out about My creation. Now it's time to find out about you.

Me? Find out about me? I can't quite describe how profound this sense of spiritual "permission" has been. This, to me, is feeling like ascension. Like the hard part of life is behind me, and I won't have to re-do it. I've been through the wars, the sacrifice, the tears. I learned what I needed to learn. It's now about going forth and expressing, here and now, not waiting for some afterlife to experience the glory, but *now.*

I feel both mature and tested, and new and reborn. And I have this adventure ahead of me, partnering with the Divine to have my own genuine nature revealed.

And I never knew that besides glory and grace, ascension is also filled with gratitude.


The periods of spiritual ascension are the days and seasons of Mind's creation, in which beauty, sublimity, purity, and holiness — yea, the divine nature — appear in man and the universe never to disappear. Science and Health


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3 Comments:

At 12/19/2007 02:50:00 PM, Blogger Kate said...

Dearest Laura...

isn't God wonderful...congratulations on entering your own "New Birth"...you are in Her womb, she is bringing you forth...

I have been asking myself, in thinking about Mrs. Eddy's statement:

Mortals must emerge from this notion of material life as all-in-all. They must peck open their shells with Christian Science, and look outward and upward.

What is this shell that I am pecking through...with Christian Science....and I am starting to realize that it is the belief that I am self-determined...self-actualized, self-made, self-borne....when in truth, I am God-sent. When I can see that I am not "making my own bed" or "creating my own opportunities (or blowing it) but that I am God-sent into every single solitary moment of being...then I will cease to be blinded by this shell if self and will look outward and upward...

This goes along with what I have been gleaning from the story of the man who "was BORN blind" (we are NOT borne blindly along by a dying self)...but was freed when the Christ told him to go and wash in the pool of Siloam (which is called...you got it: SENT!!)

Neither did this man, you, me, his parents or Jesus...or his parents...sin. But we are all SENT by God...into this remarkable laboratory, classroom, art studio, field....to discover that it's ALL about LOVE...ALL...about....LOVE!!!

Okay...maybe I will just cut and paste this comment into my blog as tomorrow's post...i think this is what I love most about this blogging community...we spin off of one another...finding our own (inspiration, best selves, pathway) in another's good (inspiration, needs, desires, hunger)....so cool!

I love you...I really am so excited for you about this next chapter in your life...yippee!!!

Kate

 
At 12/19/2007 03:01:00 PM, Blogger Laura Matthews said...

thank you my gorgeous Kate! I always think of you as right there with me on this journey....

L
@}-->--

 
At 12/22/2007 07:59:00 PM, Anonymous kim said...

wonderful, wonderful and wonderful again!

 

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