Friday, November 17, 2006

A lid for every pot

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Went to dinner last night with a new good friend Lee. I love so many things about her—her upbeat attitude, her spiritual sense.

I also happen to know her husband—great guy. So I asked her, "How did you know Ken was the one?" She said she met him one night at a Jewish singles dance, and by the end of the evening she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. They had a lot to work through, and some severe challenges to face together, and there are still times he bugs the hell out of her. But she knew he was the one she was willing to do all that with.

I'm always amazed at good marriages. Having never had one myself, when I get to know strong couples I feel sometimes like an anthropologist on a study of another form of human being. How do they do it?

Lee said it's about open, honest communication and helping each other heal the wounds of the past. Another husband I know said it's about forgiving disappointments and holding your tongue when necessary. Others have talked about having fun together and just being generally easy-going.

A good girlfriend of mine says, "There's a lid for every pot"—a saying I find hopeful! Here's a little Q&A from Mary Baker Eddy with a first sentence that never fails to make me smile:

What do you think of marriage?

That it is often convenient, sometimes pleasant, and occasionally a love affair. Marriage is susceptible of many definitions. It sometimes presents the most wretched condition of human existence. To be normal, it must be a union of the affections that tends to lift mortals higher.

--Miscellaneous Writings, p. 52

Lifting each other higher. Another wife I know spoke to me about her marriage as helping each other grow spiritually. I liked that, and I could see how this couple does that for each other.

So, what's the secret sauce? You folks out there who have great marriages, how do you do it? Inquiring minds want to know!

Your ideas and inspiration are welcome! Please comment below or Contact Laura.
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At 11/17/2006 10:22:00 PM, Blogger ObiDonWan said...

My wife and I met at work; I had been married twice and was recently a widower. We had a date to the movies and talked nearly all night. She said that we realized in each other a spiritual seeker. We tried different avenues including zen, and experienced many problems and challenges and after 15 years discovered Christian Science. Truly, it saved my life and probably hers as well. Not to say that we haven't had challenges since then, but we are in it together, and seem to be able to help each other when one is weakest and the other becomes strong. That's it, a short tale that should be told in a long book.

At 11/20/2006 09:24:00 AM, Anonymous Emily said...

A friend of mine was doing a survey about marriage and families for a class she was taking a few years ago. One of her questions was something like, "What is the perfect mate?"

I said that if you want a solid marriage, you have to let go of your search for "perfect," because the heroes from the trashy romance novels don't exist, and if they did, you can bet they'd pick up some thoroughly obnoxious habit the minute you married 'em. Instead, I said, you have to choose your mate the way you'd choose a road-trip companion: Find somebody who doesn't annoy you too much, doesn't smell too weird, and seems to be going the same direction as you.

At 11/20/2006 09:29:00 AM, Blogger Laura said...

haha, smell is very important!


At 11/20/2006 02:01:00 PM, Anonymous Dennis (Big Raff) said...

My wife and I have been married over 32 years. She and I are perfect for each other. We met at church. We feel that God brought us together. People that see us know that we belong together.

If it is God's will for one to be married, if they are patient and trusting, God will work it out.


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