Thursday, April 27, 2006

You are worthy

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As we rang off on the phone last night, my best friend said to me, “When we hang up, I want you to say to yourself, ‘I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy.’” This made me laugh, of course, and of course I promptly forgot to do it. But it came to mind in my early morning prayers today.

Am I worthy? How do I know? And worthy of what?

To me there’s only one way to get an answer for these questions. I have to start with perfect God, holy Spirit, infinite Creator. Because to start with my human self would be a travesty. No way is the human selfhood I’m slogging around worthy of much of anything. It makes too many mistakes; it has too many fears. And I probably spend too much time beating it up and expecting it to be perfect. Not gonna happen.

But then there’s God. I’m so relieved to remember the divine Being who fills all space actually made me in its image and likeness. In the system I study, Christian Science, God creates out of His own selfhood, with the same substance as Himself. He is His own raw material, because He is total self-existence. Nothing exists outside of God, Spirit, from which anything else could be made.

So there wasn’t some flawed pile of dirt God was working with to create me. Instead, I am a being of His light, created with His glory. This selfhood, this reality, is eternally worthy of all praise and admiration because it is in His likeness. How else could it possibly be?

To me, remembering my own worthiness is a form of worshipping God. If I forget, if I slip into hating myself or deriding myself, I’m in effect turning my back on God and His creation. If I believe too much in the mortal selfhood and forget there’s more to me than meets the eye, I’ve forgotten God as well. And boy, that feeling is miserable.

The things I get into such a stew about, the randomness and unpredictability of life, the way even my best intentions can get skewed and turn out a mess—these things have always been and continue to be the smokescreen. This is not to say I shouldn’t try to be the best person I can be. But I have to remember that even my human best doesn’t hold a candle to the streaming light of God’s creation.

Sometimes I just have to retreat, in self-defense, as Jesus did, when he got away from the clamoring crowds and took the time to pray. Mary Baker Eddy says about these times, “Jesus prayed; he withdrew from the material senses to refresh his heart with brighter, with spiritual views” (Science and Health).

When my heart needs refreshment, when I pull away from the material drama, I find in the heart of prayer a brighter view and a renewed sense of my own worthiness. And really, it’s the only place I’m going to find it.


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1 Comments:

At 4/27/2006 09:32:00 AM, Anonymous ObiDonWan said...

"I am worthy" comes from the last CD recorded by Mindy Jostyn; she makes a great Gospel song of it.

 

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