Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Loved even while sinful

There’s a passage from Romans where Paul really hits the nail on the head (it’s in the Bible Lesson this week):

the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.

For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

--Romans

The perfect corollary sentence can be found in the readings from Science and Health:

The belief of life in matter sins at every step.

--p. 542

When I find myself getting worn out by this material existence, and everything I’m doing just makes me want to lie down and go to sleep, it’s actually comforting to remember that this is not all I am. And to remember that it’s not my obligation to be perfect in this material existence, nor is it my job to make this existence perfect.

For I can never do it—I can never achieve perfection through my supposed material being. When I remember this, I leave behind the sense of struggle, and remember that it’s all about doing my best. Which, I have to say, I’m generally doing. But I’m never going to get it just right here on earth because earth itself, as a material construct, is flawed.

So where is the good that I do? I like to think that the good I express, even in its limited form here on earth, is still permanent and real. The essence of who I am as the expression of the Divine *is* real and is in fact all that I’m doing. God gives me credit for motives and for doing my best. That is so comforting to me.

There was a time when I had “sinned against God,” but really wanted to come clean. I had gotten pregnant when I wasn’t married. My lifestyle up to that point had been sketchy at best, I’d developed a lot of bad habits of thinking and acting, and it landed me in that situation. My anguished prayers to God for help did not go unanswered. I gained the spiritual strength to resolve to change my ways.

But who was going to believe me? I realized *no one* would believe that I’d make such a fundamental shift overnight. I couldn’t prove it materially in any way; my actions were too well known among my acquaintances. Who knew that my change of heart was real?

The answer was: God knew. I took it to God in all sincerity, and made my vow that the change was real. I remember being embraced spiritually at that point, and comforted that divine Love was seeing right into my heart and could tell I’d really been transformed. I didn’t need to prove anything because Love could read my very being.

My human life was still a mess and I had to work my way out of it. But the sincerity of my change of heart sustained me through it all and fueled my receptiveness to the goodness God was sending my way. Many things fell into place instantly that on the outside I didn’t deserve. God read my heart, and cared for me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that even in this sinful state of belief in matter, Love still comes to us and cares for us. We don’t have to be perfect human beings, in fact, we never can be. But our motives and desires for good count for something. Love sees and acknowledges these even if no one else can.


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1 Comments:

At 4/05/2006 06:07:00 PM, Anonymous Veronika Wilcox said...

Thanks for sharing! It was a good reminder and so very helpful!
Love, V.

 

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