Thursday, December 22, 2005

Deep-and-meaningfuls

So the three of us are in the car last night driving to a ballroom dance class, and, in my "motherhood by blurt" style, I came out with my desire to love the two of them better by letting them bring out their issues with me and helping them heal (as I wrote about yesterday).

Then we danced for a couple hours—meringue mostly—and as we got back into the car, my daughter said, "You know, it's a miracle that you said even that."

So apparently she's going to leap at the opportunity. I'm petrified, but it meant so much to her that we were even discussing it. Then, we stayed up late talking about her life, which meant a lot to me—we hadn't really talked in a while. And in the end she said, "Wow, if we really do what you said, if we really work together to put all the issues behind us, think how close we'll be for the rest of our lives!" She had the most wonderful, anticipatory look on her face when she said that. She *wants* us to be close. Whatever it's going to be like to get there, that look gives me a reason to try.

Yesterday was actually full of deep-and-meaningfuls. I had lunch with my friend George, and he wanted to know the difference between God's plan and God's will. Made for an interesting discussion, especially when I brought out my "check your assumptions" viewpoint. Because the question really devolves to, Does God plan? To me, His will is done. He is the eternal Now. So there is no future to God. So there is no plan, just eternal unchanging reality. The plan, if any, is for us to wake up to that fact.

And, in a discussion with another friend yesterday, to counter her thoughts of needing to deserve healing, I said: "Do not wait around to become perfect." Everyone is both already perfect in a spiritual sense and incapable of perfection in a human sense. So there's no need to strive for it. Healing is now, it's already done, it's God's will already and He is omnipotent. His will is fact, His will includes both "to will and to do of His good pleasure." If He wills it, if He even thinks it, it is a part of existence. That is how existence itself has come to be—God's will is reality the moment of His conception of it.

All these points are swirling in me this morning: redeeming the past with my daughter, knowing more clearly how God's will works, and not needing to be perfect humanly to experience healing. It's adding up to a comforting overall message of hope and redemption.

Don't know when my daughter will come to me with her first issue to discuss. But I feel better able to handle it. I think it will be okay.


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