Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A special birthday

My son was just looney tunes last night.

You know how sometimes that youthful energy can't help but burst out? Last night, he was in some kind of zone! After crashing for a couple hours after school, he bounced up off the couch and just was going a mile a minute. Joking, demonstrating his skateboarding skills (with a little finger skateboard), teasing me, telling me about his life… He had me laughing out loud throughout, and we even hugged a time or two.

He said he was jazzed because tomorrow (today) is his birthday. He's 14 today.

In the midst of all the hilarity, a lot of my smiles came from appreciating him and being sooooo grateful he's in my life. When I think of the circumstances way back when, being on my own and scared and having to make the biggest decision of my life, I can't begin to imagine what life would have been like if I'd taken another road.

I was single at the time, and the prospect of having a baby all alone terrified me. I didn't ever consider not having him, but I did think a time or two about whether giving him up for adoption would be the best thing for him. When I took that question to God, though, the answer always came that things would be all right. And they have been, albeit often hard.

The hardest moments, the scariest times, these are the times that have pushed me spiritually and brought me to a new space. Without them, I think I'd stay complacent in my comfort zone, never exploring the boundaries of my own limited outlook. Eventually, I got enough of a taste of how spirituality feels that I now pursue it regularly myself, yet there are still the testing times that push me higher. Being grateful during the test is sometimes a stretch for me! But at least my confidence is growing that the test can only lead to deeper understanding.

So, on the one hand, having my son changed me. On the other hand, what it really did was show me more of who I really am. My fear stemmed from not grasping the truth about the being God created; when I began to understand that better, I could do what needed to be done with God's guidance. There's not a lot I'm afraid of now—my trust in God's grace through seeing demonstrations of His mercy has grown enough to keep me for the most part confident and strong.

I'll be waking my son up in a few minutes with a cheery "Happy Birthday!" He'll probably bounce around a bit before heading out the door for school. And I'll just smile about him all day today, as the embodiment of the lessons I've learned.

CHILDREN. The spiritual thoughts and representatives of Life, Truth, and Love.

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At 10/12/2005 08:58:00 PM, Blogger Franklin said...


This is an extraordinary account of what would normally be seen as a small but happy occurance in a persons life.

However, you have covered every essential spiritual principle & teaching in the New Testament.

Without quoting one scripture you have given the principles for living a happy, spiritual life of freedom.

I think you have fulfilled the purpose of scripture. Not words to be memorized and quoted but words to teach spiritual principles and laws of life to be lived.

I wish you many more happy days and your son a happy birthday.

At 10/13/2005 04:25:00 AM, Blogger ENS said...

Your son is very blessed to have a wonderful mom such as yourself. Having a strong Christian mother is one of the greatest gifts a child can have. God bless you for your faithfulness in all the hard times of trial.


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