Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Single? Be married now!

A version of the below went to a friend as an email this week:

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What you said in your last email reminded me of a time when I was yearning to be a wife. I was a single mom, and so much wanted a partner I could share life with.

Trouble is, I kept waiting and waiting for some guy to appear in my life before expressing those qualities. And when a guy did show some interest, I glommed onto him so hard that he usually made a quick exit.

But I knew I had a lot to offer, and why would God have given me this desire if it weren't to be fulfilled?

Well, in praying about this, it came to me to think of "wifeliness" in terms of qualities rather than in literal wedding-band-on-ring-finger terms. Wifeliness includes things like being supportive, being understanding, affection, encouragement, teamwork, patience, wisdom. And all these qualities are spiritual. Since they're spiritual, they must have their source in infinite Spirit, or God. If "wifeliness" therefore is an expression of God, I had all I needed to express it right then, because I am created in His image and likeness. I didn't have to wait for a human husband to be able to express these qualities.

I realized that I could behave with the qualities of a good wife all the time -- all those things that a "virtuous woman" is in the Bible. I could take the sharing, caring, openness, undivided attention, unconditional love that I believe a good wife shows her husband into every conversation I had. I began to really focus and listen every time someone wanted to talk to me.

I remember in particular one discussion over lunch at a yacht club in Marina Del Rey (I was living in California at the time). I was with a male friend who I had no romantic interest in, but he still needed to talk. So I gave him 100% in that one conversation. For that lunch, I was his wife. I reasoned with him, encouraged him, showed an interest in his future, expressed my confidence in his abilities. I expressed the qualities I had been yearning to share.

Since then, I have had countless such conversations with many people. It's a skill I've brought into my healing practice. And not only does it help others, I have found it to be enormously satisfying to me as well. People alsospontaneously began to play the role of "husband" in my life whenever I needed it, being supportive, fun, gallant, even lending a practical hand with heavy lifting on occasion. While I have never found a specific human husband, I have felt like a wife and have been husbanded.

This is what I love about spirituality -- nothing is out of reach to us, since it's all about expressing Spirit.

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3 Comments:

At 6/02/2005 05:10:00 PM, Blogger Maria said...

Although married, I had some related thoughts this weekend. I was away from my family and wanted to spitiually "tuck them in" for the night. The descriptions of "Bride" and "Bridegroom" from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy came to thought. They are "BRIDE: Purity and innocence, conceiving man in the idea of God; a sense of Soul, which has spiritual bliss and enjoys but cannot suffer." and "BRIDEGROOM. Spiritual understanding; the pure consciousness that God, the divine Principle, creates man as His own spirtual idea, and that God is the only creative power." However, in thinking about the definitions I found myself seeing my husband and kids as being BRIDE (not needing to have a BRIDE present for all to be well) and myself as BRIDEGROOM. I loved the idea that each member of my family had only the spiritual sense of Soul and couldn't suffer or be unsettled because of circumstances of any kind. I quickly found within myself a BRIDEGROOM consiousness, assured that God was the only cause in my family's lives.

Mary Baker Eddy also talks about home being the "center but not the circumference of the affections." Your article helped me understand that our opportunities to express pure wifeliness and husbandliness can joyfully extend beyond interactions with our spouses in very simple ways and without a sense of uneasiness.

Thanks for sharing your e-mail!

 
At 6/03/2005 07:18:00 AM, Blogger Laura said...

lovely, Maria! thanks for posting!

 
At 2/14/2007 11:42:00 AM, Blogger Kate said...

as good today as it was the first time I read it...all the love in the world to you dear friend...K

 

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